Sunday, February 19, 2012

Gift to a stranger

I declined to participate in this exercise for several reasons.
#1.  Gift giving as an act of kindness is based on the christian ideal of charity.  While I do not feel that there is anything inherently wrong with charity - in fact I heartily support it - it is not an act that I take lightly.

#2.  Outside of the realm of charity, gift giving serves a function of strengthening relationships.  Giving a gift to a complete stranger has several hazards, none of which am I willing to chance for the sake of the class.

#3.  The only reason a person gives a gift to a stranger is as an act of charity, since you have no former relationship to base the gift giving principle on, thus the initial interaction is unbalanced.  The act of charity is weighted, it is not a reciprocative gesture nor, as it is an act of charity, is it meant to be reciprocated.  Gifts themselves are weighted by the relative "cost" that it took to procure them or the level of desire for them by the person receiving the gift.
Since gift giving is inherently an act meant to strengthen relationships the person who has been gifted feels the unbalanced weight of the interaction and will feel the need to reciprocate in some fashion.

#4.  This can make social interactions with said person very awkward in future.  People do not generally approach other people with the intent of giving them a gift unless they have some ulterior motive ie: strengthening a relationship that already exists if only briefly; sex and social favors (including friendship and companionship) being the main motivating factors.

#5.  The potential giftee is approached by the gifter, under the guise that they would like to perform an act of charity for that person for the sake of a class assignment.  I say guise because the giftee will likely question this motivation.  Questioning the motivation leads to an inherent need to satisfy the curiosity about the act.  A person who is receiving an otherwise unwarranted gift will make certain assumptions about the gifter, namely that they want to begin some form of relationship.  Since the act of forming a relationship has been established the polite and correct action of the giftee will be to reciprocate by continuing to try to balance the equation.

#6.  This is where the awkward future interactions come into play.  While it is a completely valid assumption that the instigation of a relationship with a total stranger will result in a satisfying relationship, it is not unwarranted to realize that this relationship has no grounding and may instead result in unreciprocated feelings by one or both parties.
It is likely that the giftee will feel that ulterior motives ultimately initiated the interaction and that the "class project" was merely a guise for these motivations.  The need to reciprocate will weigh heavily on the giftee until they feel it has been fulfilled, ie; future interactions between the gifter and giftee will remain weighted until the issue of motivation has been resolved.

#7.  Since the giftee will make certain assumptions about the motivations of the gifter, the giftee will operate on those assumptions in future interactions until proven right or wrong.  If the giftee is right in assuming that the gifter is interested in prolonging the relationship then no harm is done.  However if the gifter giftee finds the other person lacking in those qualities which he or she deem useful in a relationship ie: shared interests or feelings, then then both parties may still feel obligated to act in a friendly but unfulfilling manner toward each other in future interactions.  If the interactions are unfulfilling to both parties then social awkwardness ensues unchecked for the remainder of their interactions.

No comments:

Post a Comment